When it comes to what does and doesn’t cross the line in a relationship, it’s hard to say where flirting lands. Sure, it’s the tried-and-true tactic we use to charm someone, but coyly giggling at or playfully touching someone besides your partner admittedly seems harmless. Maybe you really are just that friendly and bubbly! But if our partner was doing these things to someone else, we’d be more than a little uncomfortable with it, right?
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There is a line somewhere between OK and straight-up not OK, but where is it? What counts as flirting in the first place? And at the end of the day, is flirting considered cheating? I tapped a renowned couple’s therapist and two sex and relationship experts to set the record straight. Ahead, their answers to these questions, along with why people flirt outside of the relationship and how it impacts it, and what to do if you catch your partner flirting with someone else.
In this article 1 First of all—what is considered “flirting”? 2 Why do people flirt outside of their relationship? 3 Can flirting hurt a relationship? 4 What to do if your partner is flirting with someone else 5 At the end of the day, does flirting count as cheating?
First of all—what is considered “flirting”?
According to Somatic Sex Educator Kiana Reeves, most people define flirting as behavior that’s intended to attract someone else. She explained that it is often done through things like playful banter, lightly touching one another, and so forth. While these things can be quite subjective and situational, flirting is essentially the things you do when you want to capture the attention of someone you’re interested in. For example, hugging someone and allowing your hand to linger on their lower back for an extra beat is usually flirtatious. The same goes for holding someone’s gaze longer than you would in casual conversation. But playfully laughing at your waiter’s joke is not usually going to land you in the “total flirt” category.
Let me give a more real-life example: When my husband and I were both single and crossed paths at a party for a mutual friend, I leaned into him whenever he spoke. I did this to let him know I was interested and ready to see where things went. He quickly caught on and reciprocated, and we went home together that night. The rest is history. Now, if I just wanted to be friendly, I probably wouldn’t have put my face so close to his face in an “I’m into you” kind of way, but I wanted to get his attention, so I did.